Lets take a minute to mature the humble All Bran brand like mature adults. Bran makes you poop, and I don't get why people act like thats a bad thing. I would wager that these people are constipated and therefore there is a knowledge block taking place.
Going to the grocery store, and buying Bran Flakes (or buds, or sticks, or wedges, or whatever) somehow still feels like an embarrassing thing though. And it's impossible to reshuffle your grocery basket to fit the cereal box at the bottom because it's so. darned. big. Its like the grocery gods have been like, "you can't have great value and your pride". Fair enough I say, because I can't eat my pride for breakfast anyway. I prefer to chew my pride apart at four in the morning.
Bottom line: there is no subtle way to buy All Bran cereal. Especially not when you slam it down on the conveyor belt and it monopolizes like 40% of the entire thing. Then you put it in your thin plastic bag and everyone can see the text on the box through the bag and you're like, "may as well just scream to the pedestrians that I really like to poop".
But why should you not? Why should the world not know that you buy All Bran because you respect the value of regularity? I don't like struggle. I don't particularly like hard work. I don't like to keep people waiting, and thats why I buy All Bran.
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