The following is a comprehensive list of activities to avoid so as to limit potential encounters with vampires, zombies, ghosties, murderers, psychopaths and the reaper as per Hollywood films:
1.Taking baths- reduce your carbon footprint and also prevent drown in a tub of your own blood.
2. Walking up stairs- we all know that when you walk up stairs you increase the risk of a spook grabbing you by the legs and pulling you down to the underworld.
3. Watching video tapes- it is estimated that 1 in 10 video tapes will prophesize and concretize your imminent death.
4. Answering the phone- especially if it is following watching a video tape.
5. Being around windows- especially when answering the phone! Chances are the person calling can see you through the window and is only calling to remark upon what you're doing with the sole intention of bringing their watchful gaze to your attention.
6. Moving into an old mansion- old mansions are all haunted as well as having occult groundskeepers.
7. Moving into a new apartment- occult neighbours.
8. Getting on a plane- snakes.
9. Getting on a rollercoaster- the home of the bizarre, untimely and absurd death.
10. Playing board games- no board game is innocent fun. They all have secretly been possessed by demons and are a ploy to ruin your life and take over the world.
11. Use of any item which you have to blow dust off of first- this is possibly the most important piece of advice I can give! Dust is always indicative of a cursed item! Always!
12. Babysitting- option a) the child is possessed. Option b) there is a murderer outside.
13. Camping- zero security plus fire which is easily spookified. Also many campgrounds are built on ancient indian burial sites.
14. Sleeping with the lights off- not only do lights allow for maximum visibility but also lights burn the skin of the household boogyman and vampires- duh.
15. Sleeping with the door closed- it's just common knowledge that when the door is closed, spooks can just slide right in, but when the door is closed spooks cannot enter.
16. Having dreams- dreams are when sleep murderers come and murder you in your sleep.
17. Looking in the mirror- this activity enables historical figures to haunt you from the dead and terrorize your soul.
18. Anything well-related- wells are where undead chill out, waiting for alive people to think, "oh what a quaint well." and then they feast upon their flesh.
19. Going to the bathroom- the bathroom is just a bad place. Also sitting on the toilet makes you susceptible to alligators biting your behind.
20. Following any noise ever- if you hear a noise, you should probably just kill yourself before whatever is out there gets you first.
21. Searching for your dog- if you can't find Spot, its because Spot is dead and soon you will be too.
22. Meeting new people- all strangers are either witches or psychopaths.
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