I will award one hundred gold pieces to whoever can tell me who is in charge of the Spiderman franchise. I'm talking names here people. My daughter's hand in marriage goes to whoever can bring them to me alive so I can insult them to tears before I send them to a pirate's death.
This is what they are: pirates. They have plundered the successful comic book world of Spiderman and stolen it for their own whilst ransacking all quality and soiling the name. To think that there are children who will see the most recent Spiderman movie and have that be their only knowledge of it is sickening to me. I am lucky to have original comics from the 60's in my possession, and love the saga for its glory days rather than the post Spiderman 3 downward spiral.
This latest instalment, the retelling of the original Spiderman story but with new actors and a different villain is brutal to watch. The story of Peter Parker becoming Spiderman is rushed through- since its a story we've already watched some eight odd years ago- while key details made intriguing by the trailer are simply nonexistent in the film. Its like the filmmakers just decided that they would introduce a bunch of branches of the plot but only follow through on the meat and potatoes trunk of story. I tend to enjoy meat and potatoes myself as long as they are filling and satisfying, but I would say that the "food" equivalent of The Amazing Spiderman (2012) meat and potatoes is a Hungry Man microwavable dinner. Not real food by any stretch, certainly not what you want when you pay fifteen dollars, put on silly 3-D glasses, sit between two overweight men for two and a half hours.
The dialogue is dodgy as always, I think that is the one consistency in the Spiderman films. However unlike other recent superhero movies, the Spiderman film cannot decide whether it is more comedic like say, Iron Man or dark like The Dark Knight. We have this hyper intense relationship between two seventeen year-old characters that is hard to take seriously given that they are still eating Sunday dinner with their families and being driven to high school. Gwen Stacey is also a high school senior who somehow has full access to the biochemistgenetictesting lab where she works as an intern. In the comic books, they're fully in college which makes gives their relationship more weight and allows for more believable career paths. When I was in high school I cleaned toilets part time, I certainly did not mix DNA to give rats new arms.
My main beef is that the original Spiderman with Tobey Maguire came out like eight years ago. That one big "too soon" to the producers this time around. And if you're going to pull a "too soon" aim to hit it out of the park, at the very least make it better than the original. Half of the film was exactly the same storyline as its predecessor so they rushed through all this great stuff since we've all seen it before. And the truth is, maybe I wouldn't have cared to see it all given to me in detail, and that is a major oversight of the filmmaker. When you're doing something that hasn't been done before, something that is a cliche like the superhero film, I think you have to be clever about things to keep it fresh and interesting. There was nothing clever about The Amazing Spiderman round two.
The Spiderman franchise appears to be like a wild night out. You start out enjoying yourself, having fun with Spiderman 1 and kind of 2; everything gets sloppy towards the end of the night and people end up hating you (Spiderman 3). If you want to bring the biggest financial flop ever brought to the stage that would be Spiderman the musical which I don't think even made it past previews; thats the part of your night when you are belligerent, you end of punching people and all your friends finally abandon you. This new Spiderman is the horrible hangover in the morning that makes you question how you can possibly still be alive after being so ruined. That is The Amazing Spiderman and the Crane Operators of Manhattan.
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