Elevators

   The worst thing is when you get onto an elevator after everyone who's just been on it gets off (regardless of how many people are in it) and it just smells like a big ol' fart incubator and you're like:

   So you're in this stenchy dumbwaiter, wondering if the smell of egg fart is going to cling to your blazer and you think thats bad but THEN IT HAPPENS. Someone else gets on. And they smell it, because theres no way not to smell it. And they think its you. They think you would do something like that. In your head you start to panic and you're like, they don't know me, if they knew me they would know I would be more careful with my egg farts. Do you tell them your life story? There are only a couple more floors before your stop and your life story is pretty short, you could do it but then you're already there and then you somehow make eye contact with them and promptly look away which makes it so much worse and now you're blushing just like a guilty farter would!

   Then it turns out they're getting out on the same floor as you. Then they're going into the same office of you. Then you struggle for what feels like twenty minutes with your access pass as they stand behind you (far enough away lest you let another one rip, as they are thinking). Then they walk behind you all the way to your desk so now they know where you sit and you can never look them in the face ever again and its best to just jump out the window and end it all now.