When I'm feeling sorry for myself, finding myself saying things like, "this is the worst day ever" and "if this mascara is brown I'm going to kill myself", I remind myself about some guys called the pioneers. The pioneers were badass mobeetches who just canoed around building stuff and being cold but coping with it like it wasn't even a thing.
I most often call upon the pioneers when I'm talking myself out of buying medication or as I listen to people talk about how they've cut dairy and gluten out of their diets. As I gawk at the price of allergy medication I think to myself, "did Davey Crockett complain when some pollen was stepping on his groove? Maybe, but then he just grabbed a live bass out of the sweet great lakes like it wasn't even a big deal probably." With the bread thing I'm usually like, "The pioneers ate bread! And sticks! Probably." then I grab the closest carbohydrate and eat it in front of the raw vegans. Its almost as good as the live bass trick.
Next time you go to complain about how your latte tastes too much like milk, or about cilantro as the devil's weed I urge you to think about the pioneers.
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