My Life According to Internet Cats

   At any given time I am the most relatable to internet cats. Here's how/ when I feel them:
Maru
   You know that feeling when you walk into the bedroom section of Sears and you need to lie in all the beds. Sears bedding displays are to me what boxes are to Maru.
Oh No No Cat
   When someone who I am not interested in is trying to pick me up and I don't want to be mean about it, but I don't know how to escape. One time I got booty called by a guy who lived in my building, down the hall from me. His line was, "come tuck me in, I'm afraid of the dark". I quickly went offline, turned off all my lights and softly whispered "oh nonononononono".
Lil' Bub
   When I'm really thirsty (potentially hungover) but I don't want to get out of my bed to fetch water and I want sympathy so I just lie there with my tongue out a little and try to look cute in hopes that someone will get me water.
Cobra Cat
   When I'm getting buck to some classic 2000's beats and someone says they don't like Usher and I get all Cobra Cat up on their ignorant behinds.
Nyan Cat
   One time I was in a conference for an Intro to Literary Studies class and it was complete bullshit- but bullshit in the way where I got killer marks so it was okay I guess. There was this really annoying racist girl who was always saying shit like, "dude, I need a smoke right now". Okay racist girl, simmer down.  She was really full of herself. Then she got a D+ on her essay and after class was criticizing the TA's marking scheme and I walked out of the room with my A+ paper and was basically Nyan Cat. I Nyan Catted right in her racist face and did not give two fucks.
Henri
   When there's no good food in my fridge and I'm so so depressed.
Grumpy Cat
   When my prof doesn't pick me when I raise my hand in class. When stupid people whose opinions I don't value say stupid invaluable stuff during my short story critiques. When there are great sales on at the supermarket and then I realize I'm reading the flyer from last week. When I don't win every poetry contest ever. When I don't get invited to a party that all my friends got invited to. When the sales lady at LaSenza offers to bring me a smaller sized bra. When my upstairs neighbours exist. When my downstairs neighbours exist. When Fun beat Frank Ocean for "Best New Artist" at the Grammy's. When there's a couple grinding hard beside me at the clubs. When there's a couple making out hard in front of me in the metro. When there's a couple. When I ask my dad for a drive to a place and he says no. When the kitchen closes at the bar. When concert tickets sell out. When my prospect for the night goes home with some next chick. When they run out of chicken wings on Chicken Wing Thursday. When someone responds to my text with "lol". When I eat a bad carrot.