Top 5 Things I do at "Work"

   I work as a receptionist at one of the offices in my university. I literally do nothing. One time I taught someone how to use the photocopier. It was the most rewarding experience I've had in a while. My best moment in the office ever was when no one else was here one night, and I was feeling sick because I'd taken my coffee with cream like a goddamn idiot (I know I'm lactose intolerant, why do I try to play god?) and I unzipped my pants and lay on the floor of the photocopy room in the dark while my stomach rocked a symphony of grumbles. Here are the five things I do most regularly at work:

1. Look out the window which faces into the hall and watch people approach the office with a confused face and will them not to come in. Sometimes I actually mutter "no, no, no" under my breath until they are actually right infront of me speaking their words in my face.
2. Facebook.
3. Answer the phone and tell people that I don't have the authority to do whatever they are asking of me and tell them to call back when my supervisor is in the office.
4. Look into the fridge and see if any of my co-workers have grapes or some kind of food that I can take some of without them noticing.
5. Make personal photocopies. I'm pretty sure I have broken even with the cost of tuition in making so many photocopies.