The #1 Noise you never want to hear come out of your body

   Bodily functions can sometimes make your life so awkward you almost wish you were a fluid-less, sterile raisin. Body sounds and smells are one of the few things that truly link all human beings to one another. The tree of life is connected by a series of embarrassing moments that everyone EVERYONE can relate to, but that nobody NOBODY wants to admit to.

   I have stumbled upon a major link in the chain that connects all humanity in terms of body stuff. There is one single noise, above all others, a noise so gut-wrenchingly repulsive, so sickeningly disgusting that should you hear if emerge from your own body (what you might refer to as your "temple") you will surely think (because your tongue is too tied with shame to exclaim anything) "Did that come out of me?!"

   You all have cottages, chalets, or lodges, or at least your rich uncle has one and you've visited it in the past. Picture a cottage in the North that has not been used all winter long. The pipes nearly froze, because it was a cold winter. When the first cottager goes to turn on the tap, there is a noise. 

   The noise is a deep mechanical gurgling. It sounds like the wheels of a giant clock in the depths of the earth gearing into motion, slowly at first but with increasing purpose. A few stifled sputters first choke through the faucet before the full blast erupts. Its a very distinct noise. Its industrious. 

   Industrious noises are not the kind you want emerging from your body. It is an indication that your body is not a temple, in fact this noise makes it appear nothing more than a factory. Maybe a factory that produces low-grade zippers or sweat socks.

   But aren't our bodies more like factories than temples anyway? Do you really want to relate your body to something that is put on the earth for no seemingly practical purpose? The human body is a ceaseless machine of thought and movement. Sure, it may not always been immaculate or impressive and half the time its downright embarrassing. But in recognizing the imperfection hopefully we can come to terms with our awkward bodies, and realize that maybe a working factory is better than an glorious temple.