On hosting events

   On hosting events: best case scenario, I fall into a deep coma from the minute I conceive the idea and awake once its all over. The stress of hosting an event is the worst. Who do I invite? When do I invite them? How do I describe the event? How funny do I have to be in the event description? What is the most liked flavour of chips among the guests? Where do I hide the taxidermy fish? Or should I keep the fish out to scare people and ward off bad spirits? How many standing fans do I need to disperse around my living room? How many cushions is too many cushions? Do I warn the neighbours? Do I let people in my backyard? Do I allow people to smoke mad splizzies in my backyard? Is it cool if I refer to it as a splizzie? Sex? Do I tell anyone about my upstairs bathroom? What if someone upper-deckers me? Should I rehearse a frighteningly quiet speech for if someone upper-deckers me? Do I need to buy plastic cups? Which carpets can I keep laid down? Will my speakers be loud enough? If I put a giant moustache on the piano, is that enough of a disguise? How will I hear my phone? Where do I hide my father? Who makes the playlist? Can I get away with snubbing the conservatives? Is anything in my home offensive to minorities? How do I manage empties? How do I manage that friend who always cries when she drinks? Jello shots? What is my policy on chilling on my porch? Do I have to invite peoples' significant others if I don't know them? Will the Tupac hologram show up? What would MacGyver do? Weapons? NASA? Lolcats?
#suicide