When I am trying, without success, to write a peculiar thing happens. I sit at my desk, staring at the blank Pages document that is representative of the mediocre joke that appears to be my future. My mouth starts to get dry, and within minutes I start dry heaving. My air flow becomes impaired and I start seeing little black dots in my field of vision like I've been looking at the sun too hard. This goes on for a little while, so if I'm in a public place I have to excuse myself when I feel it coming on.
THEN I feel a crazy pressure behind my teeth, and all of a sudden a pair of double jointed arms push through my mouth. I reach for my phone with my arms and text my friend who I'm hanging out with later that I can't make it. The unfamiliar arms are all red and covered in blood and fluids n' shit and they reach around the table in front of me and begin bludgeoning me in the head with my laptop. Sparks start flying and I try to fight back but I'm just so shrimpy that I am powerless.
Eventually the arms gave up on the laptop and just start pulling at my head. I don't wanna get really gross on you, so I won't go into detail about spinal fluids etc. Eventually my body lies limp and headless in a swivel chair. The arms use my shoulders for leverage as they push my lifeless body off the swivel chair. A new body emerges, its me again, wearing exactly the same thing, just the same as before. And at the end of all this, I still am left with a blank Pages document and a looming deadline.
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