Ok, number one. Do you ever want to go to restaurants but then are like "oh wait, I'm a bum and my main source of income is stealing pennies from public fountains"? If the answer is no, then you can get the fuck out of here fancy pants, go enjoy the leaf-blower that you probably have. I usually just avoid restaurant awkwardness by not going to restaurants, but sometimes friends have birthdays or a hottie asks you to lunch or people want to go work on a group project over nachos. So here is a teeny tiny money saving tip for how you can cut down your bill when you are forced to eat out.
The waiter asks if you want still or sparkling water. Tell him/her that you would prefer if he just put a straw in your water so you can blow your own bubbles. Sidenote: you can whip this one out at dinner parties too and impress other guests. You could bring a jug of homemade sparkling to potlucks as well to avoid the cost of making your own dish. Bam! Two in one! You can thank me later, for now get your ass off the couch and enjoy your homemade sparkling water.
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