Walking In The Urban Environment

   I propose to offer a semester-long class called Walking In The Urban Environment, targeted at urban numbskulls. The class would need to be a semester long because some city slickers appear to know so little about sidewalk/stair-climbing etiquette that we need to start from zero.
   First lesson: the sidewalk. Some people seem to have it confused with a church aisle or a crazy-slide. Let me make this clear, the sidewalk is not a place for you to bounce around and dart through pedestrians like you're in a Hitchcock film. No. Just, no. Nor is the sidewalk a place for you to walk at a maple syrup pace. There is a time and a place for that, and its called your wedding. However, if you continue to carry through life being labelled as a slow-walker, no one will ever want to marry you, so listen up! When taking the sidewalk, single file is best. Walking in twos is acceptable, and threes is never permissible during rush hour. To those who say "but I have 3 best friends, the charter of rights says that we can walk freely as we please!", to you I introduce a radical new concept: walk in pairs! Crazy, I know.
   Second lesson: stairs. Stairs are like a folded sidewalk, designed to help people move in an upwards direction, from floor to floor. Usually in a busy building people need to use the stairs. If you find yourself overwhelmed by the frantic nature of stairs, I suggest you take a step back and observe first. Usually, if you look at stairs, you can make out an organized flow of traffic. The most important thing to remember when using stairs is that you are not Moses. By no means should you ever walk directly through a current of stair traffic, in opposition to the flow. There is always a better way.
   Third lesson: escalators. Escalators are even easier than stairs because they are doing the work for you. Therefore it is puzzling as to why so many city dwellers do not know how to properly participate in escalators. Like stairs, there are lanes. Usually, the right side is for standing (meaning people who face forward, in a single file line), and the left side is for people who have more urgent schedules and would rather walk up the escalator. People choose to walk up the escalator because it is faster. Remember, people who want to walk cannot walk if there are two people standing side by side. This makes the people who want to walk very angry and they often complain to their friends about the experience.
   This has been just a taste of what I will offer in my Walking In The Urban Environment class. I would say it may even be an essential service, like EMS and the police.