What my Gym Membership has Taught Me.

   I used to be someone who makes fun of physical fitness. To a large extent, I still am- I love a good joke at the expense of people who take care of their bodies, and I think thats acceptable because I’m not hurting anyone’s feelings. If you work out and hear me say something like, “Elliptical? More like pass the potato chips! Am I right?”, you know that I’m making more fun of myself than I am of you. The difference between my humor now that I have a gym membership and prior to its addition to my card wallet is that I am a little less insecure. I still fire off those timeless zingers at my own expense, but now I have a secret little chuckle to myself about breaking my personal record on the stationary bike. 

   I still would not consider myself to be a fit person, I’m just a little less made of spaghetti than I was before (I’d say its like 73% now). I used to have this intense mental block about working out (look back far enough in the archives, I wrote about it) before I observed several facts when I started going to the gym regularly. 

   Fact 1: There are so many people who go to the gym and do fuck all. Seriously, I don’t mean people taking a five, or even ten minute water break after doing something productive. I am talking about men (I’ve only seen guys do it because it usually starts off as me checking them out, but I’m sure there are some ladies doing it too) who sit at weight machines for up to fifteen minutes, and just sit there. I’m sorry, but if you’re already sitting there, you could do something right? These are often people who appear to be in good shape, so I really don’t get it. Is it just a way to kill time before class- to come to the gym and sit? In short, what this has taught me is that you should never be intimidated by babes at the gym because you are actually making a lot more effort than all the people who aren’t at the gym, and even some people who are at the gym. There’s a difference between exerting yourself and sucking (like I tend to be particularly good at) and just not trying.

   Fact 2: Don’t be insecure about that panty-line. The number of times my lardy brain has tried to convince my well-intentioned brain not to go to the gym because I will have a panty-line with my bike shorts is ridincinky-donk. Seriously. Ladies and gentleman, if someone takes note of your panty-line, its because they were checking out your ass.

   Fact 3: A sweat rag is nothing to be ashamed of. Nobody knows how long you’ve been there, who cares if you have hyper-active sweat glands. The entire NBA have sweat rags, and they've basically all scored Kardashians, so sweat rags are obviously doing something right. 

   Fact 4: Just because you don’t have a crazy neon LuluLemon tank top, it does not mean you are any less badass, it just means you didn’t spend sixty bucks on a shirt designed to soak up sweat. Thats why you have a sweat rag- duh!

   Fact 5: Just because you have a crazy LuluLemon tank top, doesn’t mean you have to prove anything to anyone. You march to the beat of your own drummer comrade!

   I hope these life facts have been eye-opening. I trust you will all pass them down to your children. If I think of any more things the gym has taught me I’ll let y’all know.