The Almond's Super Saving Money Tips #4

   First off, everybody wipes their butts. Unless you have an unfortunate health condition, in which case, be consoled by the fact that you don't have to buy toilet paper, because that stuff is expensive. I have searched for creative solutions for cutting back on toilet paper, but really, its just something you have to have.
   I have taken to swiping full rolls of toilet paper from public places and am on my way to being a full on cat-burglar (I was going to use some sweet wordplay there, but apparently "scat" no longer just means regular ol' poop). One time I almost stole a roll of toilet paper off of a cleaning lady's cart, but lets just pretend I did. I did take a roll of toilet paper from the library once though, because the dispenser was broken and the cover had flung open.
   I have held jobs where I have to clean bathrooms so I know a bit more about toilet paper dispensers than the next man. I know that the keys to the dispensers are either made of very thin plastic with large grooves, or are just a simple zig-zag shaped hunk of plastic that fits like a puzzle piece into the like shaped lock. So I got to thinking, whats stopping me from making my own zig-zag shaped key and making off with six month's worth of TP? Nothing, I said to myself, nothing is stopping me.
   Ok, so there are a couple of things you can try to replicate the zig-zag dispenser key. You can try to get a couple the short, thin objects and stick them in the slots at the right angles, which would probably work fine, as long as you're able to push them all down into the hole in sync. However what I would recommend, would be to fashion your own zig-zag key out of folded tinfoil. Tinfoil is actually pretty sturdy once its compact enough and you could definitely reuse the key as much as you want once you've found just the right design. Who knows, if you're into making this thievery part of your identity you could even wear the thing on a necklace, I don't think that would be a super weird thing to do. It would make for good party discussion too: "oh this? Yeah, back in '06 I used to steal lots of toilet paper. These crab cakes are delicious, whats your recipe?"

PS. When you succeed in locksmithing these dispensers, they tend to swing open really fast and bang against the side of the washroom stall really loudly if you don't catch it in time. Be sure this doesn't happen to you, I don't want to foster a bunch of clumsy apprentices.