Fuck Police, The

   Today I passed by some graffiti that said "fuck police". So now I'm thinking that that's the career I aspire to; the Fuck Police, regulators of physical intimacy. Its the perfect job for me since I hate PDA and like to insert myself into awkward situations so I can retell the experience to party guests so that I seem interesting.
   I just imagine the Fuck Police cruising up to some cheap motel on a Saturday night and walking up to the front desk to question the receptionist, "Fuck Police here. There are a couple staying here who were seen out to a fancy dinner earlier tonight, chocolates were exchanged, an eye-witness claimed that the gentleman paid for the meal. There were reports of footsie beneath the table. We have reason to suspect we've got an anniversary on our hands, somewhere between two and six years. We're going to need the couple's room number for further inspection." At this point my partner and I would stealthily run down the hall armed with flashlights, and whistles- something less menacing than a gun but more menacing than a stone-cold glare.
   We'd approach the room and lean up against the wall on either side of the door, listening for noises from within. Sex noises. At that point we would signal to each other and I'd kick in the door, yelling "Fuck police! Everybody freeze! Depending on how compromising the situation was, my partner and I would throw condoms (serve and protect) at the startled lovers and then we'd probably leave. Moment ruined, courtesy of the Fuck Police.