As someone who is an experienced gamer, as in I sat awkwardly on couches while boyfriends play video games, I can confidently say that Pacman is my spirit animal. Once a month for a weeklong period (pun so intended), I am filled with the spirit of Pacman.
I literally transmogrify into an eating machine with unparalleled mandible strength. My stomach becomes a vacuum in the truest scientific sense of the word. Go on, try to call me on it, and I will invite you to go to all-you-can-eat sushi, and we'll see who's exaggerating! My stomach is probably a worm-hole. One end is my stomach, the other is a black hole. What I'm getting at, is that Pacman is the only one who understands. And maybe every other woman who has ever gone through menses... which is every woman ever.
I often wonder, at times like these, how Pacman keeps his figure. What is the caloric value of the yellow circles? How can I get on the yellow circle diet? Maybe it has more to do with the fact that he is constantly exercising, which I am definitely not doing. The time slot in which I usually go to the gym is currently occupied with trips to the grocery store to buy Rolo ice cream.
The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that Pacman and Pacwoman are one in the same. I think Pacman is just Pacwoman having thrown off her bow in a menstrual rage. It makes sense. No woman with the ol' bleeds (sorry, had to say it, I don't know why) is wearing a bow. Don't nobody got patience for that. Because we're too busy eating everything in sight. Hide yo' fork, hide yo' knife.
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